they want to socialize you, they want to purify you, they want to dignify, anaylze, and terrorize you!

alright here it goes, feminist sex. i'm not gonna sit here and pretend i'm a sexpert cause i'm only 19 years young with very little experience under my belt. but, i can tell you one thing from the little experience i have had. sex, or even attempting sex with a feminist-friendly man is 10,000x's better. why? cause he's more likely to be judgement-free! of course that's not the ONLY reason. but, these days it seems to me that having sex with a feminist-friendly man who isn't going to judge you, pressure you, or force you into something you're not comfortable with, who you can trust with absolute certainty won't disrespect your sexual autonomy will be the only surefire way to assure that the experience won't turn into something icky, like bad sex or even worse, rape.



so listen up! I'm so sick and tired of the dull, trite, rigid, conventional conservatives who believe it is their duty to condemn and rail against those who choose to dance to the beat of an uncharted path and i'm sick and tired of the faux-feminist politics of anti-porn who claim that all porn is exploitative and demeaning for all women. okay first of all no, the most exploitative and demeaning concept to ever exist in our culture is that of sexual repression the idea that sex is dirty nasty filthy gross and disgusting, all pretty much meaning the same thing. anyway, the message is always the same, respectable, dignified, "good girls" are not supposed to actually ENJOY sex and GOD-FORBID they even talk about it, be open and honest about their sexual fantasies, have the AUDACITY to communicate to their partners their wants and needs, and/or explore alternatives to the standard model of monogamy. the silencing and shaming that stems from these messages is what kills me the most. it's something that i myself have had a long hard battle with that i am only now begginning to overcome in my quest to becoming a fully empowerd sexually aware and confident woman. and i'm sick and fucking tired of having to battle the inner voices that say "but...what if close friends and family find out that you actually enjoy this kink...omg they'd have a HEART ATTACK if they knew you were actually watching porn."

and actually. if you REALLLYY think about it i think a lot of people make a big taboo over something that is so natural only because it is something that is rarely talked about or brougvht to light in average day to day conversations and therefore there is a lot of controversy surrounding it. but really, it's something that everyone parttakes in and yeah, maybe there are some people who choose not to talk about sex because they want to maintain some kinda alluring mysterious air about their sexual selves. and that's fine. i respect that choice. but i often i feel like it is not a choice, people are AFRAID to speak openly and honestly, therefore it is not a choice but something that is unconsciously done in order to comply with the rigid mores and beliefs imposed upon them by strict religious upbringing, and/or societal pressures. and also, we are never given a platform to discuss our sexual selves openly, to express our opinions and share our thoughts. and THAT is the problem with our society. the fact that we cannot talk about something that is so natural is absolutely LUDICROUS! especially for someone like me who feels totally inhibited from enjoying myself pleasurably in a oh-my-god-what-would-my-parents/society/family/friends/teachers/classmates/neighbor/jesuschrist-think about this kinda way because being open, honest, and communicative is a turn-on for me. ...and that is why the secrecy and the privatization of our sex lives is an OUTRAGE for me, not to mention deeply frustrating...and i know for a fact that i am not the only one.

i'm not saying we all talk about sex all the time and talk dirty to one another @ inappropriate times. all i'm saying is that we not be ashamed to talk openly about sex and to even talk dirty. for some people, talk is a turn on. but i'm afraid that if the culture of repression continues to exist the numbers of sexually repressed individuals will only become higher and higher. and that is where the real danger lies. because more sexually repressed people means that the concept of enthusiastic consent is nearly diminished in the face of unconscious power struggles between two sexually repressed people more often, further perpetuating our current culture of rape. and NO enthusiastic consent is not the absenence of a "no" in either partner. enthusiatic consent is ENTHUSIASTICALLY communicating to your partner precisely what you desire and if it is in the realm of extended fantasy so much the better. if a woman or a man is the slightest bit uncomfortable for whatever reason neither partner is liable to change that. the concept of enthusiastic consent further ensures that neither partner will get caught up in a situation that can far too easily become awkward. and there are instances where things only feel uncomfortable after the deed is done and that can only happen if on of the partners is left unsatisfied for whatever reason and THAT is why it is soooooo important to communicate openly, honestly, and in-depth of your expectations, needs, wants, desires, etc. i've been caught up in some awkward situations where the communcation was lacking and trust me when i say it was aaaaaawkwaarrrd. and of course, being ashamed to talk openly and honestly can have you behavin in some uncharacteristic, outta-whack ways.

oh yeah, and about the whole sex is only good until we are in a long-term monagomous relationship and we should abstain from it otherwise because it is dirty and dangerous, and people (specifically women) who deviate from the norm are filthy whores desperately craving for attention is fucking bullshit! i don't condone those who DO abstain from sex until they've settled into a long-term monagomous relationship. in fact, i find that my current most stable relationship provides me with the consistency, safety, and emotional support needed to explore my sexuality no matter how perverse in a healthy manner. but anyway, to those that cannot fathom nor accept the fact that there are other, more sexually progressive forms of relationships must understand that there are some sexually expressive people who actually DO derive pleasure from their sexual liasions that is both consensual and satisfying. i believe that if we can all come to terms with this, dare i say, unconvenient truth then MAYBE just MAAAAAAAAYYYBEEEEEE we can envision a world where people are less ashamed and more empowered by their sexuality.

competition

it's a well known fact that women tend to be too competetive with other women, especially when it comes to superficial matters, like if your girlfriend got the latest parada bag, and for some reason, YOU JUST HAVE TO GET IT!

This is really unfortunate because women have so many internalized issues as opposed to men. We have to scramble to men's standards, live up to all these fucking beauty standards, and WE ARE BEING COMPETETIVE TO OTHER WOMEN JUST TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT OURSELVES? girls, i really don't think it's necessary. Just learn how to love yourself more, and learn to love what you have! And understand the differences each person has with one another, trying to hype up your insecurities will not help you in anyway, i swear it will only make you feel so shitty about yourself.

Alot of my guy friends complain to me why so many women are insecure as hell towards other women. And i really can't blame them cause it is true, and at the same time, i can't blame women too, because i have been there and done that. It all goes back to societal fallacies, and how detrimental these matters are to women all over the world. The fact that society keeps pushing women towards a certain look that they should have, a certain attitude they gotta show, etc. etc. drives women towards the most unfathomable insecurities.

there's so much more to experience than keeping yourself locked up in your insecurities. Think about the things you like about yourself, and stick to it! embrace it! and always remember to riot not diet!

Loren N.